HFIL Receives a Game Console
by lazerbem
Summary: What hijinks will ensue when the villains receive a game console? Plenty of raging, skilled play, and nerd moments of course
1. Halo Reach

Frieza smirked while the Ginyu Force bothered Goz and Mez. They were going to break soon.

"Yes we are!  
We've just arrived! The most elite warriors in the universe  
We even shut up whining kids  
We're the Ginyu Special Squad  
Yes we are!  
We'll show you our Special Fighting Pose  
You better kneel before it's beauty" The Ginyu Force chanted, dancing in front of the two ogres. Goz and Mez had been listening to this nonstop for 3 days and were beginning to consider relocating to Otherworld. Frieza and Cell had been planning this for days, hoping that Goz and Mez would give them something to shut the Ginyus up.

"Fine! We'll get you something to play with. Just shut them up!" Goz cried, his will finally broken. Frieza chuckled and snapped his fingers, calling off his soldiers. It was also the signal for the rest of the villains to show up as none of them besides Frieza could handle the Ginyus' singing. Baby, Garlic Jr., Dr. Gero, Omega Shenron, Android 13, Broly, Cell, the PTO, Saibaman, Cooler, Bojack's gang, Lord Slug, Turles, Hirudegarn, Cell, the Cell Jrs., and Babidi's coven showed up as Mez left to get something.

"I wonder what it could be?" a Cell Jr. giggled with childish delight.

"Perhaps some hero for us to kill?" Pui Pui hissed, still bitter about being killed so quickly. Yakon slapped Pui Pui on the back, grunting heartily in agreement.

"RAAAARGH!" Hirudegarn roared, getting impatient after only 40 seconds passed. Broly let out his own bellow, agreeing with the massive demon. Baby rolled his eyes at the impatience of his fellow villains just as Mez came back to bring the gift.

"What could be so small?" Turles questioned while the other villains simply looked in disappointment.

"A new invention from Earth" Mez answered then began to unwrap it, revealing an all compatible game console. "I'll have games shipped frequently but for now you can play..."Halo Reach" Mez continued, plugging it in to a random power outlet and leaving with Goz.

"What blasphemy is this?! I have no clue what this object is!" Dr. Gero screamed, furious that there was some technology he didn't know of.

"You were isolated in a lab for 30 years" Omega snarled. "It's possible this came out while you were working on the Androids" the shadow dragon continued, being the only one to know a bit about contemporary Earth times. The doctor glared but began working on starting up the game. A few minutes passed, during which Slug had blown up Nappa for fun, before Dr. Gero got the game working.

"What are the teams?" Babidi questioned, being the only one to look through the manual.

"Screw you! I'm not playing split-screen with any of you!" Garlic Jr. hissed before shoving his way through and grabbing the controller. The villains briefly considered blasting him but the explosion might destroy the console. Garlic Jr. started up the game and began charging at enemies, laughing madly as he cut them down. "HAHA! Fear the might of Garli-WHAT?!" Garlic shrieked as his character fell to the ground, dead. Garlic Jr. was so used to immortality that he had forgotten about his shield level. Before Garlic could restart, Raditz took the controller.

"We do this in the order we died" Raditz reasoned as he started up the game. This seemed fair to the villains, after all those who had died first had been there longer and would get entertainment first. Raditz rushed through, blasting Grunts with his pistol while laughing. Only one of them remained and was clearly afraid. "Hehe, just try your best shot" Raditz laughed as the poor creature turned around. The Grunt suddenly had a blue ball in its hand which quickly stuck to Raditz. "NO!" Raditz screamed as his character exploded in a flash of blue light.

"You underestimate people a lot, doncha Raditz?" Nappa chuckled before taking the controller. His hand was slapped away by a Saibaman, hissing at him angrily. "Oh, sorry little buddy. Here you go" Nappa said apologetically before giving the cultivar the controller. The Saibaman lasted longer than Raditz, prompting the Saibaman to taunt the saiyan. Suddenly, the first elite in the game showed up and began kicking the Saibaman.

"Kekeke?" the Saibaman squeaked in surprise, just barely dodging the next kick. The Saibaman then did the only sensible thing: kamikaze. It tossed down a grenade, killing the Elite but also blowing itself up in the process.

"Is that all you can do? Blow yourself up?" Daiz mocked at the green creature as it stepped back.

"Hey, lay off!" Nappa yelled as he took the controller. Nappa fought the elite with several grenade tosses before charging towards a truck. "Alright, I can-WHAT THE HFIL?!" Nappa screamed as one of his A.I. teammates shot him in the back. Nappa began shedding tears as he whined "Why do my friends always do this?"

"Stupid Saiyan, let me have a go" Cui growled to the distraught Saiyan. Cui was much better than anyone expected, managing to nearly make it to the end of the level. An elite zealot appeared and Cui laughed before meleeing it twice. Cui was shocked when the zealot didn't die and instead killed him with an energy blade.

"That's stupid, I punched him twice!" Cui screeched, prompting Babidi to slap Cui over the head and show him the shielding level of zealots vs other elites. While Cui struggled to read, Dodoria took the plate.

"Dodoria will finish what Cui can't" Dodoria chanted to himself as he dodged the elite's strikes and snapped it's neck. The next level began to some rousing applause from the villains. The instant the next level started though, Dodoria was swarmed by a pack of enemies. Shrieking like a girl, Dodoria attempted to run before getting cut down.

"Once a coward, always a coward" Zarbon chuckled as the fat alien went off to excuse his girlish shrieking. Zarbon picked up the controller and popped off headshots with grace in an intricate dance. His dance was interrupted by two Wraith tanks advancing towards him. Zarbon dodged around the mortar but no matter how much he shot, the tank wouldn't go down. Zarbon found rockets and decided perhaps he's use brute force. In the real world, Zarbon transformed as his transformed state was more brutal minded than his normal state before demolishing the tanks with his rockets. Before he could celebrate, a chunk of the wreckage crushed his avatar.

"What's wrong frog boy? Too stupid when you transform?" Turles grunted before smacking the stunned creature away and beginning to play. Turles was the first to realize what medkits do and made great use of them, blasting down Covenant with explosives and healing up afterwards. Turles was up against an elite ultra when suddenly, he couldn't find any other med kits. "Nononono-Damn it!" Turles swore as his health was blasted away with a plasma repeater.

"Guldo, is ready for duty" Guldo grinned as he took the controller. Guldo ran away from all the threats, leading them into ambushes where he picked them off at his leisure. He leaped into a Warthog and began driving towards the objective when he was attacked from behind by two Revenants.

"Sorry, Guldo. Guess we should kick you out" Recoome said as he sat down for his turn. The giant of a man was theatrical and would charge in with no hesitation while screaming ridiculous quotes. "Recoome bomber" the ginger haired man laughed as he blasted away a jackal with his grenades. Recoome finally ran into his first set of hunters. "Recoome shotgu-Hey, no fair" Recoome yelled as the hunters flattened him with their shields while he gave his speech.

"Too slow, eh Recoome" Burter chuckled as he zipped forward and caught the controller before it hit the floor. Burter simply dodged around the hunters until he had an opening, at which point he struck with great speed. Before long, Burter had reached the top of the building and was nearly done. "Who's still left? I kille-HOW DID HE JUST APPEAR?!" Burter screamed as an invisible elite shanked him in the back.

"Burter, mate, calm down, I can see the invisible elites." Jeice comforted his friend while the villains stared. "What?! I can see in infared" Jeice sputtered before beginning to play.

"Gay" Appule hissed under his breath as Jeice shot down the invisible elites. Jeice was soon on the the third level which is when he lost it. "Bloody Hell, how am I supposed to aim with this tiny reticule?!" Jeice said as his sniper shots missed one after the other. Eventually, one ricocheted off a rock and hit his own character. "Wanker! May all your chooks turn into emus and kick down your dunny! May your ears turn into arseholes and crap on your shoulders!" the short alien screamed before descending into an accent to thick to understand.

"Keep it together soldier!" Ginyu said as he slapped Jeice before beginning the game. Ginyu had better aim than Jeice and popped off headshots with little trouble. He accidentally blasted himself with a grenade however, so he ran toward cover. Before he could make it, a needle appeared in his character's skull and he died. Ginyu to his credit was stony faced as he handed the controller to Lord Slug.

"What you need is a Super Namek" Slug boasted as he did nothing but melee kills and assassinations on the enemies. Unfortunately, the hunters took punches well and simply slapped Slug aside. Frieza stepped forth regally before grabbing the controller.

"You will bow before the might of Lord Frieza!" Frieza boasted as he cut down enemies with amazing skill. Eventually, they made it to the next level and Frieza made a change. "Normal is too easy, we shall play on legendary" the arcosian proclaimed causing all the villains to groan. Minutes later, Frieza was dead after being cut in half by an energy sword. "Why does everyone cut me in half?!" Frieza shrieked shrilly.

"Well, princess you sliced yourself in half most of the time" King Cold said lovingly while hugging Frieza, causing Frieza to turn red and the villains to take pictures. King Cold began playing, hiding behind the A.I. most of the time and only popping out of cover once everyone was dead. Eventually, he pushed Kat off a cliff because she was in his way. "No one blocks the king" Cold gloated, looking over the edge of the cliff. Kat respawned and ran him off the side of the cliff with a Revenant. Frieza laughed at where his father's cowardliness got him before Cooler grabbed the controller.

"Let me show you how a real arcosian plays" Cooler growled, being the first to pick up an armor ability. He armor locked constantly, escaping death many times. What Cooler failed to realize was that armor lock had a time limit. "Keep on shooting with your measly turrets, it won't do a thing" Cooler mocked as his armor lock deflected the bullets. Just as he finished saying that, the armor lock broke and he was killed by a burst of turret fire.

"Fool, your lack of intellect betrayed you" Dr. Gero mocked as he stepped up. Gero analyzed situations carefully before attacking, leading to precision shots. This went well, until he reached the spire. "How am I getting killed?! My strategy does not account for this" the genius roared, raging so hard that steam was literally coming from his hydraulics.

"Ah will do the mission" Android 13 drawled, grabbing the controller and starting his turn. The southern android blasted down the area with grenades before finishing the level. Just as the fifth level started, he was attacked by a swarm of enemies. While he killed most, his refusal to retreat made him get killed via kick from an elite.

"Haha! My turn" Broly laughed as he snatched the controller from the android while it BSODed. The Legendary Super Saiyan charged into the fray and got up until the space section. "How do I fly this?" the saiyan grunted before sending his ship into a wild turn which destroyed it. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" the brute screamed, being so distracted that the rambunctious Cell Jr. snatched the controller.

"Hehe, I'll have fun" the Cell Jr. giggled insanely before going into a display of acrobatics that made even Burter shocked. The Cell Jr. took no damage to the ship due to his tricks and landed on the Corvette without issue. The zero gravity however, led to the Cell Jr. getting distracted by how funny it was and shot down by a grunt.

"Heh, better luck next time kid. Of course a copy wouldn't be as good as the original" Cell boasted harshly before kicking away his "offspring" and taking his turn. King Cold caught the creature as it was flung away and began cuddling it, much to Frieza's embarrassment. Cell moved about the stage gracefully before letting enemies take shots at him. "Show me your full power" Cell roared before blasting away a grunt. Due to this constant stopping, Cell took much longer than necessary to make it to the bridge. There were two elites with there backs to him and Cell felt the need to alert his presence. "Give me a good fight" Cell screamed while blasting assault rifle rounds everywhere to get the elites' attention. This led to getting squashed between the feet of two elites. "No fair! I wasn't ready!" Cell sputtered in an attempt to keep the controller away from Bojack.

"We'll do this as a team" Bojack announced to his crew before handing them the other controllers. The screen split into 4 as Bujin, Bido, Zangya, and Bojack played through the firefight in the bridge. They moved as one, striking Covenant at the same time so that the poor creature had no escape. They even made it to the sixth level due to their teamwork. That was when things went wrong.

"Help me, there's a kamikaze chasing me!" Bujin shrieked as he struggled to get away from a suicide grunt.

"We leave you for the good of the team" Bojack declared right before the grunt changed directions and blasted his entire team to pieces.

"Do you always betray us?" Zangya questioned harshly to the hulking heran before passing the controllers to Pui Pui, Yakon, Dabura, and Babidi.

"Pui Pui is long distance support, Yakon is melee, Dabura is all purpose, and I'm the leader" Babidi declared as they started up the game. While the strategy worked for a little bit, it began failing when the majins grew tired of this strategy and tried their own thing. "DAMN IT PUI PUI, DON'T TRY TO MEL-well, now you're dead" Babidi rebuked the alien as it attempted to melee a brute chieftain. Babidi's nerve frayed even more as Yakon attempted to snipe. "YAKON YOU IDIOT! STOP WASTING A-" Babidi began before his entire team was blasted apart by a fuel rod cannon. "You fools! I'm the smart o-urk!" Babidi started before Dabura shut him up with a choke.

"You should really refrain from insulting minions Babidi" Baby hissed, finding Babidi's "work ethic" to be disgusting. Baby then went to the difficulty settings and changed it back to easy.

"Too hard for you, Baby?" Frieza mocked, prompting Baby to replay the game where Frieza got chopped in half. Baby won the level easily and made it to the second to last level.

"I'll be stealthy" Baby muttered, as he stalked behind some elites. His cover was blown when Emile blasted a grunt with his shotgun and alerted every Covenant within a hundred feet to kill them. "I won't be killed" Baby roared, leaping around like a madman in game before accidentally jumping off a cliff.

"Well, **they** didn't kill you" Omega said, cracking his massive fingers and preparing to play. The shadow dragon was by far the best player and rushed through the level using a DMR and a shotgun. Eventually, he was at the final level and ready to win it just as easily. He was so surprised when there were 15 elite generals that he was paralyzed and was killed quickly.

"Grr" Hirudegarn grunted, finally taking his turn. The demon had skipped his turn earlier to let Baby go first. The monster grabbed the controller with his tail tentacles and began to play.

"Let's see this brute fail" Bojack laughed as Hirudegarn started up the final level. The monster then went into complete gamer mode and began tearing apart Covenant with speed and precision that made all the villains' jaws drop. Hirudegarn was more skilled than any of them and lasted 20 minutes on the final level before he decided to use an energy sword. At least 40 elites fell, dead, before Hirudegarn got bored and simply refused to keep playing. The other villains scrambled to ask Hirudegarn about his technique when Goz came to give an announcement.

"You have online connected to it now" the ogre stated before rushing off again. The villains paused for a second before rushing as fast as they could to test this new feature.

"Are you retarded?" a voice said over the microphone while Broly played.

"KAKAKROT!" Broly responded while the other villains waited their turn by asking Hirudegarn for his technique.

"I think Hell will be a lot more fun from now on" Frieza grinned as Mez brought in some more games.

A/N: Put requests in the reviews


	2. Call of Duty: Black Ops

Frieza yawned as he got up from his morning nap. Hell hadn't really been all that torturous since Zarbon had died due to the ogres not being able to enforce the rules. Frieza then flared out his red ki and flew towards the game console, eager to get dibs on the new game. Hopefully it would be less disappointing than that one fanfiction he read(Dragon Ball Multiverse or something) and would be as entertaining as Halo Reach. Frieza finally lighted down on the area of Hell where the game was and saw that Lord Slug and Pui Pui were also there, playing a game. Frieza pushed past the two and saw the new game, "Call of Duty: Black Ops". It looked similar to Halo Reach in gameplay so Frieza smirked at the destruction he'd bring upon the two players.

"Slug, Pui Pui, let me play" Frieza demanded, using his tail to pick up a controller and bring it to his hands. Pui Pui and Slug snickered before pressing something on the options' screen and letting Frieza jump into campaign. Frieza's rage was quick to bubble over. "What stupidity is this?! The gun goes left when I point it right!" Frieza screamed as his bullets sprayed in all the wrong directions. Eventually, Frieza got the hang of it and advanced towards some enemies, only to be cut down in seconds.

"You're not as strong as in Halo" Slug mocked the trembling Arcosian as he was forced to restart the level. Frieza snarled with barely constrained fury and was cut down again by a barrage of bullets.

"This is stupid! I'll play online" the Arcosian stated angrily before exiting to the menu and going online.

Pui Pui chuckled before saying "Here, let me put it on the "awesome" setting" maliciously. Frieza accepted the praise like a fish after a worm and began to play online. While the controls were fixed, his skill was not.

"I THREW C4 RIGHT NEXT TO HIM, HOW IS HE NOT DEAD?!" Frieza screamed in disbelief as an enemy walked away from an explosion like a minor inconvenience.

"Fool, it's called Flak Jacket, If it pisses you off that much, go play with your gay buddies in custom game" a growly voice called over the mic. Frieza suddenly felt his blood freeze as the voice registered in his mind.

"Vegeta" Frieza growled, now motivated to teach the simian a lesson in humility. Frieza's plans of beating the prince like on Namek were interrupted by a rocket launcher blasting his character apart. "WHICH UNEVOLVED APE IS APE IS NOOBY ENOUGHT TO USE THAT?!" Frieza screamed at at pitch that made Lord Slug simultaneously whimper and laugh. Frieza's fury turned into horror when he saw the gamer tag. "iamthehopeoftheuniverse?" Frieza sputtered, fear coursing through his veins as he read through all the gamertags that were playing. "superyoshi, futuresword, sonofhope, Ultimaterage, Buucandy, diskofdestruction, trihard, scarfacedbandit, bandanna17, brokeSSJarm, and Prince of Saiyans" Frieza squeaked, realizing in seconds how screwed he was. While his mind comprehended it, his body did not. "I am totally not Frieza!" Frieza shrieked in fear, noticing too late that his tag was "Frieza, killer of monkeys". All the other players whipped around to his character in an instant.

"Was that Frieza?" Ultimaterage questioned over the mic, hoisting a rocket-launcher.

"Maybe" Frieza whimpered as all the other players surrounded him. "Can we just play this like a regular match?" Frieza gulped nervously, attempting to back away. What followed was a brutal display where Frieza couldn't even survive five seconds after spawning and was being blown up constantly. Even Pui Pui and Lord Slug felt almost sorry for Frieza at that point as the tyrant ran in fear from the horde that chased him. "I'm sorry for killing you Vegeta, Earthling whose name escapes me, Namek, stomping on your head son of Goku, and making you really mad" Frieza begged piteously as more and more bullets riddled his form. Eventually, the timer ran out seemingly in time to end Frieza's suffering. Unfortunately, it didn't.

"Well, the mighty Frieza was killed a hundred times" Pui Pui laughed as he looked at the scoreboard. Frieza slapped the Majin away with a tail-swipe before going back to the main menu, desperate to find a game-type he could win. "How about headshots only?" Pui Pui growled deviously as he dusted himself off.

"No headshots you say? Well, that fine" Frieza stated, not realizing his foolish mistake. Pui Pui snickered as he picked up the controller, knowing Frieza's absolutely terrible aim would bit him in the tail. As the game started Frieza aimed for Pui Pui's body with his pistol and fired twice. Incredibly, the two shots hit Pui Pui square in between the eyes and killed him.

"I like this mode" Frieza taunted as he began pulling off headshots easily. Pui Pui was practically punching himself for that mistake. If Frieza had been told to aim for the head, he would have missed. However, with Frieza thinking it was only bodyshots, the Arcosian was instead headshotting Pui Pui constantly with accidental aim. Pui Pui then lured Frieza into a smaller area in an attempt to pin down the Arcosian. Instead, the Arcosian began spraying his gun everywhere with no control, eventually hitting Pui Pui one last time and causing the Majin to ragequit.

"This is stupid!" Pui Pui screamed before tossing down the controller in a fit of fury. Lord Slug stretched out his arm rapidly, catching the controller before it hit the ground and beginning a new game.

"Gungame? How does that work?" Frieza questioned the Super Namek.

"Shoot me twenty times in a row and you win" Lord Slug said, barely keeping his laughter in check. The following game was little more than a screamfest that could be heard in upper world as Frieza was knifed constantly,

"I hate the Makarov! Stop Humiliating me!" Frieza squealed while firing wildly in an attempt to kill the meleeing Namek. "You're a girl!" Frieza screamed as the scoreboard showed he had been stabbed forty times.

"Yet I don't squeal, wear lipstick, paint my nails, or run in fear of the word "Super Saiyan" Slug retorted before putting Frieza back online. Frieza's scream when he saw the same gamertags as before was said to rival Super Buu's.

A/N: Try to guess which gamertag belongs to who


	3. Pokemon

Dr. Wheelo flew as quickly as he could with his bio-warriors to the area where his GPS beeped. Dr. Wheelo had been working on a portable gaming device before his death and he had made arrangements for it to be delivered to Hell when he died.

"Are you sure that Shenron can do that?" Kishime asked, annoyed at being forced to fly for hours. Ebifurya and Misokatsun grunted in agreement as the seconds rolled by.

"Of course Shenron can transcend dimensional barriers, if he can bring back the dead, he can bring me my 3DS" Dr. Wheelo giggled, imagining the looks on Dr. Gero's stupid face when he showed off his invention. "There!" Dr. Wheelo roared as his GPS went crazy. The massive cyborg hit the ground with a loud crash, shortly followed by Misokatsun, Ebifurya, and Kishime. Dr. Wheelo opened his claw and shot out a small cable, grabbing the 3DS before flying back to the main hub in Hell.

"Ah, hello Dr. Wheelo. Still getting defeated by Base Form Saiyans?" Dr. Gero mocked as Dr. Wheelo landed.

"As if you're any better, getting defeated by Nameks" Dr. Wheelo retorted before taking out the small 3DS.

"What's that?" Cell questioned, an eye ridge raised in questioning. Dr. Wheelo refused to answer the tall bio-android as his bio-warriors hooked up the 3DS to the charging unit. After hooking up the 3DS to Kishime's tentacles, Dr. Wheelo turned on the small game.

"It's a portable system" Cooler acknowledged, having gotten some technical knowledge after fusing with the Big Gete Star.

"I want to play first!" Garlic Jr. screamed as he made his way to the front of the villain pack.

"No, I shall play first and dominate this pitiful game that Dr. Wheelo developed" Dr. Gero snarled before taking the device and starting up Pokemon. He clicked the online play option instantly, causing Frieza to cackle slightly, knowing that Dr. Gero would suffer the same fate as he had yesterday. To the villains' surprise, Dr. Gero got a match almost instantly. His joy was smashed when he realized he was facing a team with maxed out stats and Ubers. The only sound heard for the next hour was Frieza and Dr. Wheelo's laughter as Dr. Gero was destroyed repeatedly by several gamers, Girlsaiyan, Supernova, one-shottedcell, sword+sonofhope, Earrings are boss, and Stardustfusion.

"I don't think domination is getting your Infernape destroyed constantly" Dr. Wheelo mocked as Dr. Gero's avatar was blasted apart by Roar of Time.

"Ha, this guy has the lamest name ever. Science?! Who does that" a voice called over the mic, causing Dr. Wheelo to laugh even more. "Yeah, it's only slightly more lame than Dr. Wheelo" the voice continued, causing Dr. Wheelo to freeze and Kishime to nearly fall onto the 3DS.

"You alright?" Misokatsun asked nervously as Dr. Wheelo's brain case bubbled.

"HAND ME A CONTROLLER! TOGETHER, ME AND DR. GERO WILL DESTROY THIS FOOL!" the android screamed at his Bio-Warriors. Ebifurya came back with a controller and hot-wired it to Gero's.

"You going to mock me more?" Gero growled as the massive beast of metal sat next to him.

"No, we will throw aside our feuds and own sword+sonofhope" Wheelo growled as he selected the tag battle option.

"...Thanks" the Red Ribbon Army scientist grunted grudgingly as the 2v2 match started. Dr. Wheelo picked Cloyster while Gero picked Gengar. Sword+sonofhope predictably chose Zekrom and Reshiram. The two doctors smirked as they heard laughter over the mic. Good, they were off-guard. Gero's Gengar was quick to use Helping Hand while Reshiram and Zekrom used Rest in a mockery of their opponents. The laughter over the mic stopped the instant that Cloyster used explosion, taking down the untrained legendaries to half.

"What?" sword+sonofhope sputtered, fear rising as he realized that both his pokemon were still asleep. Dr. Wheelo laughed at the opponent's despair.

"Ha! What noobs! They didn't have any EVs or IVs on their pokemon" Dr. Wheelo taunted over the mic. It was fun for the villains and painful for sword+sonofhope to watch as Dr. Gero's Gengar chipped away the health of the sleeping pokemon before finishing it with it's own Self-Destruct. As Dr. Gero got up from the game, he shocked all by shaking hands with Dr. Wheelo.

"We should drop this feud" Dr. Gero reasoned as he struggled to shake the massive robot's claws.

"Indeed, we do much better together" Wheelo chuckled as he heard the sound of crying over the mic


End file.
